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Urban Forestry Class Project written for Dave Strider by John Egbert


Urban Forestry class

Ms. English

May 27, 2008

Group #1 the best

The Pros And Cons Of Urban Forests: 

Trees Are Good, But At What Cost?

absolutely writen by

Dave “Danger” Strider (group leader & older-brother figure)

A wise man once said “You can’t see the forest for the trees.” How wise was this man? Wicked wise. You have no idea. And it’s true! If there are a bunch of trees in the way, you can’t see the forest. Some people take the wise man’s words as some kind of irony thing, but look. If even one tree is in your way, you can’t see shit! It doesn’t always have to be some kind of riddle, sometimes wise people just say things that are true. Maybe there’s a forest way over there, and there’s a big-ass tree between you and over there. Can’t see through the tree, can you? So yeah, you literally can’t see the forest for the trees. Who’s ironic now? Not you, fucker.

Urban forestry is about forests in urban areas. This is a pretty decent idea, right? Wrong. Trees are good, yeah, but imagine trying to go to the store. You get in your Prius because hey, big ups to the environment, and you’re on your way to Safeway or Food Lion or whatever the shit they have in the South, by which I mean Austin or Dallas or something, where I, by which I mean Dave Strider, probably live. 

Where was I.

Oh yeah, Prius. Ok, so you’re on the road going to whatever shitty southern grocery chain that is popular, and you’re living your life. Boom. You are in a forest. Dappled light, unfurling ferns, a squirrel looks at you in a weird and creepy way. You’re fucked forever, because you live in a city! Your vehicle isn’t equipped for off-roading! You live in Texas, for Christ’s sake! Have fun living in the forest for the rest of your life. Hopefully you’ll be eaten by hungry wolves before you painfully starve to death in the winter.

IN CONCLUSION: urban forestry. Not today, asshole. I’m drawing a line in the sand, the sand of Houston’s beautiful beaches. No forests. Not on my watch. I’ll see you in Hell, English.



illustrated for your viewing pleasure



troll!John doodle for awesome anons 



FAKE Potential Homestuck ending #2: soul-bustin’ makes me feel good.

what the fuck


Listen to Doctor by Homestuck








imagethey got kicked out afterwards



I’ll bet this is why Caliborn hates John

i’m so happy


How far we’ve come.


He got the idea from a magic card trick.


==> Submitted by cardofrage