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douchey john quotes

EB: that’s the dumbest thing i’ve ever heard. 

TG: hey bro check it out im working on some new rhymes 
EB: dude, i don’t have time for your nerdy raps! 

TG: i think i could drop some sick rhymes about all this 
EB: man, see i just don’t think all the rapping stuff is really as cool as you think it is. 
TG: no thisll be dope check it 
EB: no, i have to go! bye! 

EB: so i think i have to get TG to use his copy to save her! 
EB: but that jackass won’t shut up and stop rapping and stuff. 

EB: stop rapping for a second you horse’s ass! 

EB: all im saying is don’t you think monster howie mandel has the power to do something as simple as reseal a bottle? 
EB: try using your brain numbnuts. 

TG: all i see is lil cal over there so i guess he cant be far 
EB: hahaha. 
EB: oh god. 
EB: SO LAME. 

EB: that’s fine, you are entitled to your opinion, i am just saying that being a white guy who is a rapper with a ventriloquist doll is not cool by any stretch of the imagination or by any definition of word cool, ironic or otherwise. that’s all i’m saying. 

EB: what? oh man, you’re going to use that? 
EB: that sucks, what a stupid idea! 
TT: We have to hurry along. I’m running low on battery power. 
EB: but the cake mix… ugh, that’s so dumb. 
TT: I doubt it matters. 
TT: We might as well just use any old crap lying around. 
EB: fine. 
EB: i GUESS.

EB: did you know he thinks puppets are cool? 
TT: Does he? 
EB: he’s so dumb!!

EB: you mean these stairs? 
EB: man, look at these shitty stairs… 
EB: they’re so narrow! i’m supposed to climb those? 
TT: They’re perfectly navigable. 

EB: yes, it is understandable because you are really attractive. i am attracted to you. 
TG: thank you 
EB: jk haha. 

EB: you mean that cheap piece of shit you have on your wall? 
TG: FU 
TG: its sharp and its awesome and its a sword 
TG: end of story 
EB: ok i don’t really care. 

JOHN: haha, dave looks like kind of a doofus with that snug little hood. 

EB: ok, this time i’ll believe you that you aren’t human. 
EB: because the skepticism center of my brain is starting to wear kind of thin i guess. 
EB: but you’re still a major asshole and i don’t actually want to talk to you, so bye. 

EB: friendship isn’t an emotion fucknuts. 
CG: SEE, THAT IS WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT. 
CG: YOU’RE MUCH MORE TOLERABLE A GUY THAN I THOUGHT AT FIRST, OK JOHN? 
EB: why are you kissing my ass? 

EB: i am not bitter! i just think your plan is dumb. 

EB: this is the worst crap i have ever seen. 
EB: what am i looking at here? 
GC: 1TS TH3 B3ST 1 CAN DO 
GC: >:[ 
EB: ok sorry but it’s useless. 
EB: what’s with these colors. 
GC: 1 P1CK3D ON3S TH4T SM3LL N1C3 

EB: i guess i’ll make this rocket now. 
EB: and see if this dumbass code actually does the trick. 

EB: so, you seem to like 8’s a whole bunch, and i guess you are like, kind of spidery themed or something? 
AG: Yeah! 
EB: haha, spiders are gross! 
AG: Fuck you!!!!!!!!

JOHN: oh fuck, it’s dave sprite!!! 
JOHN: i forgot about him. 
DAVESPRITE: yeah no shit 

JOHN: you are like a furry now, but not really the weird kind that people on the internet like to have sex with in their imagination.

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    This is the kind of stuff that makes me love John.
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